Finding Me, Losing My People

 

Prison

pexels-photo-274886

I stand in my place. Right where you need me to be. This life sentence that was handed to us is hard. I want to escape with you. Be free of guilt, pain, shame and doubt. But you have grown comfortable here. I have never left you to sit in the past alone.

I do my best to hold you up and move you on.  I want all the light in the world for you. I move ever so slightly to view the world past you and I am quickly put back in my spot.

I am the pillar. I am the support beams to your house of horrors. It has always been the two of us and then them.

But every now and then I catch a glimpse out the window of hope and I see my thought flow peaceful by. Forgiveness frees my soul and for a moment I am light as air. I want to reach out to that love so badly but I know I don’t dare, for the consequence will be permanent and prompted.

You see me starting to change, evolving and growing. I am starting to become restless here. The pain is too heavy here. I don’t quite fit in here in this world we created anymore.  It’s too cold and critical here. Anew life awaits me.

Come with me and see.

This place we have created and I have supported is no good for us now. It carries to much weight here. I move to slowly here. My bones hurts here. My head is a mess here. My feeling are numb feel here.

But my heart still loves you and so I’m bound to you forever… even in our past.

How I wish you’d come walk with me. Come feel and see the world as the sweet, adventurous place it can be. How I wish you’d be able to see the sky the way the Universe has alway tended it to be seen. Feel the breeze or the warmth of the sun on your face and know that is GOD looking upon you in that very moment. He is hugging you, kissing you gentle as His child, reassuring you that He has never and will never leave your side.

What an amazing feeling. When you know with every fiber of your being that the Universe, your God is guiding you, protecting you and has an unending love for you.

But now that I have left the dark, cruel and hurtful web of the past..You have shut me out. Flipped your switch, close the door, turned your back and slapped my face.

The do not contact order has been give. A new life sentence for me but an old cycle.

What other choice do I have but to abide what you have demanded of me and to pray to God that one day you’ll change your mind and be able to find your way back. Until then I will move on without you and walk this earth knowing I loved you all I could.

I wish you well, my sister.

Be Free From The Past

pexels-photo-276271

xoxo sk