I am making peace with what was, what is and what will be.

 

I love reading. I love reading everyone blogs and the different perspective we all have on the same thing. I love seeing how we all take the ups and downs of life and make the very most of it. I love reading about our spiritual life and wellbeing and learning how to really embrace all that the Universe, Our Amazing God has in store for us, if we are open to it. I love dreaming about far away places where there are Gnomes and giant willow trees and magical streams that lead to a world untouched by humans. I love reading about the passion and crazy love of two people who desperately want to be together but the world is pulling them apart but their deep love for each other is stronger then the world and… well who’s know, right? But some of my favorite books are books normal people write. Regular people that have normal lives and deal with all different tough, thought provoking, life changing situations that everyday people deal with. They are just like me and you but they do something one day that changes everything. I love the journey, the struggle, the in-site these people have. Maybe, I can relate to them on one level…I mean, who am I? A girl, a wife, a mom of two, that deals with the ins and outs of life, like anyone else. I have my good and bad days like all of you. I struggle and I shine…I am no one special but maybe to someone I might be a little special? I find these authors, these  normal, everyday people incredibly inspiring. For starters, these writers for the most part actually write their own books! They don’t have a team of people there to translate every word, adding in junk to make it more juicy for the reader. No these people spend years writing and processing their stories for just us. That’s incredible. I have to re-write this damn blog 10 times! And this is their life, their families, friends,… real people are effected by the events that we get to read about. They had to relive that how many times, to write it all down to have it make sense to us, the reader? So, by far when I am getting a glimpse into the life of a person who’s no different then me but does something absolutely amazing with their life, it lights a fire under me! I love it!

I have discovered that to keep my soul happy, I need sunshine, trees and books…coffee and wine…I’m a happy girl!

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I am reading a book right now that I am only starting and I can already feel it in my veins! Own The Moment By Carl Lentz. He is the Lead Pastor of Hillsong NYC. I have been reading like crazy. Then I go back and reread it and start highlighting. There are a few lines I want to share but this line did something to my core.

“If you are gonna remember the past, let’s remember it all.”

It goes on a bit more to say…

“Our perspective on our past holds so much power that we need to take control over it, make sure we own it. And that it does not, in fact, own us.”

It’s so simple yet it rocked me a bit. If you have followed my blog then you know, I have been doing a good 8 months of soul searching… actually we should call it soul cleansing at this point. I have came along way. I have done a great deal of looking at my past… but have I really remembered all of it? I seem to have done a good job of remember all the reasons why I have horrible depression and anxiety. Why I need calmness in my life, why yelling and loud chaos sends me to a straight panic attack. But why do I love reading? Why do I love crave open spaces, sunshine, trees and love being out doors? Why do I love the sound of acoustic guitar or the sweet melody of the the piano while I write or meditate? What lead me to have such a deep love for writing? Why do I have such strong emotions for animals and cry easily to others joy or pain? If I am going to revisit my past then I need to see and own it ALL. Because it couldn’t have been all terrible, and I don’t believe it was. I love way to much for it to have all been bad. I feel to much and to strongly! I have a great joy, laughter and hope inside me! It just gets trapped at times.

 I own all my past. It’s time to revisit the good stuff.

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Let’s remember it all…

I don’t know why but I have always been drawn to stones. I am not a collector but I will save a few here and there. But one thing I have always liked to do, for some reason is stack them. I have done this forever. I didn’t have to many friends growing up and I would sit at recess while all the other kids were playing together. I would sit alone and stack rocks… weird, I know. But it was almost therapeutic for me. I remember a girl asking me to play once but I didn’t want to leave my rocks, out of fear someone would kick them over. Even when the bell rang and we had to go back to class, the next time I came outside and saw my stack of rocks was still standing there, I was so happy! It was like they were waiting for me. I know, I know… I am a totally dork. Well, moving way way on here… I was on an anniversary camping trip and there I go again… I was stacking my stones again. My husband luckily thinks it’s just some cute thing I do… but I felt like it was a personal mission. This will be a calling card or a welcome sign to the next people who come here. Well my parents ended up being the next people and my Dad comments on how cool it was. But what was even cooler was a year later they were back and my rocks were still there. My Dad said it was so cool to see my stack of rocks still there. I don’t know why but I felt so emotional that he noticed, that he cared. Something I have done forever and he liked it and it made him think of me in a good way. I felt real joy about that… might sound weird… but I thought that was pretty cool.

xoxo sk

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