I really had to take some time before writing part two of being happy for real. I reread part one over and over and as I am going through this journey right now of “discovering my JOY” I realized that I have so much guilt… but why? I haven’t done anything wrong. It’s in these negative feeling, thoughts and conversations I have in my head I invite the stress and chaos that blocks my JOY and I deserver that JOY! Stop the pain! Let go and Let Love and Kindness happen.

I have been on a spiritual journey as of late. I have to say it’s been eye opening. It’s all in preparation for my physical and mental health getting a major overhaul! If I am going to honest with myself and I will be… this whole thing is way over due. Not to bore anyone or gross them out with the details, we’ll just say I’m seeing a gastroenterologist in a few weeks. I also will start seeing a psychologist soon as well. I don’t even want to admit this! I would rather share with the world my G.I business then let anyone know I am going to a doctor to talk about my mental state! The truth is I need this. I need to heal. I need to figure out why things I have thought were healed for me from my past can still come up and sting just as bad now as they did as a kid.

I am reading a book currently by Gabrielle Bernstein called The Universe has your back. It’s about meditation and bringing peace and joy into your life by trust the the Universe or in my case God has my back. I just need to be open to receive the gifts and blessing that are everywhere. My nervous mind, anxiety and frustration starts me spinning. I could recognize the state of my mind and my feelings, call it out and Pray. I have started meditating and calling out to God to be my healer. I am seeing how even though stress and chaos happen I need to be better at stopping it in it’s tracks and stop whirring in it. I need to sit and think how do I want o feel? How do I want others to feel around me? I close my eyes, sit up, take a deep breath and picture perfectly in my head the light of LOVE, PEACE and JOY fulling me up from head to toe. Then I open my eyes and choose  again.

Our words, our thoughts they have so much power in them. When we feel passionate we feel our words and thought deeply. You all know that feeling. While you are feeling the butterflies of being in love and saying the words “I love you” or the anger of being betrayed and saying “I hate you” the passion cause vibes in you and in people around. We are need to be caution of this. I truly believe we can be open to amazing miracles or block them. Don’t block miracles and blessing for yourself with low vibes. Just stop!

Are we are going to be light in our own lives and bring JOY back to our lives? I read Being Happy… for real part one and it seemed very sad, stressful and full of guilt. I was remembering how I felt at the time we were moving and how I felt when I wrote about it. When we were moving to ND that was the most faithful I have ever been in my entire life. God for sure had my back and I felt it. It was easy. I had no worries what so ever at all because my faith and love was so connected that I didn’t even have to think about it. It was like breathing. I just trusted and knew we were going to be good, safe and better than ever in God’s very capable hands. God again had our back. I felt nothing but LOVE and FAITH when it came to moving. However, when I wrote Part one I felt the pain in it. That pain of wanted to make everyone happy, being a pleaser that could never please anyone. I felt like maybe I let myself down and my family was counting on the fact that I would. There was the guilt. Why am I not the the wife, mother, daughter and slim, beautiful women I needed to be… I was feeling like a failure.

Now, yes my parents were upset but their feeling never were mine so when did their feelings become my truth? If someone else is putting negative vibes out or even directing them right at me I need to be able to put boundaries up. I don’t need to take on someone elses feelings or thoughts. I do have the power to change the low vibe they might be sending out. My light of LOVE, JOY and my FAITH can be greater!

It’s time to reclaim my JOY. I don’t have this all down. I still have panic attacks and cuss often but I smile on propose. I know it is silly but smile before you get out of bed. Smile more I promise I helps.

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